I’m no monster, though there have been times
I’ve wished to be walking off into some darkness
of my mind to suddenly find myself pulled apart,
and not as close to being me as I wish I was.
I tell myself all the time I’ve somehow transcended
the goal-setting stage in my life,
and that now everything is coming smoothly,
but the truth is, nothing ever measures up.
These days I just want to believe
everything is more than what it is.
I mean, I want to think I’ve tried teaching myself
how to be happy,
but I’ve never really been rejected,
after all, there is always me to talk to,
and I sound like two feet walking down a hallway in a hurry.
You have to know that even if I wasn’t so afraid
of helping myself understand
what it means to be average,
I still wouldn’t become a spiritual nurse and want to
take care of everybody who can’t fail gracefully,
wouldn’t detach from desire
in an effort to know myself more selflessly,
so that I wasn’t projecting my wants
and needs onto all my me’s in an unconscious effort
to possess myself.
Sometimes a step forward is a step forward,
though it may be a very small one.
And sometimes people are just mean.
I know it sounds obvious,
And forgive me if I come off a little pretentious sounding,
but maybe just for a reminder…
sometimes you just can’t keep yourself from being hurt.