I was just about to take a bite of my lobster roll when I heard a baby cry and I forgot what I was doing. “Everything all right with your dinner, sir?” the Chef said. “Everything’s just great,” I said. I went to take another bite of my lobster roll when a fly landed on my fries. I put down my lobster roll and told it to go. I waved it off. The chef was coming back over. “I could be mistaken, but is there something wrong with your meal? I’d be happy to make you a new one, personally. Is it overcooked?” He said. “No, there was just a fly on it and I told it take a turn on somebody else’s feelings,” I said. “We keep a clean place,” he said. “Every restaurant has a fly or two, no worries. In fact, this is probably the cleanest and most comfortable restaurant I’ve ever eaten at,” I said. “Take a bite of your lobster,” he said. “You’re going to watch me take a bite?” I said. “I’ll make sure nothing stops you,” he said. “It’s not often one gets such personal attention from the chef,” I said. “You’re stalling,” he said. “I don’t want to make a scene, but could you please quietly get your things and leave my establishment. Dizzy, our hostess will make sure you get your money refunded,” he said. “Thanks again for being so understanding,” I said. “Don’t bullshit me, you little prick,” he said. “This is just a misunderstanding,” I said. “There are forces here at work, mind you, pathetic ones, which are beyond our comprehension. You’re a great chef, and I’ve always loved your restaurant,” I said. He picked up my lobster roll, shook it in front of his face, and took a bite. “That’s good,” he said. “If anything, it’s slightly undercooked and just the way I like it,” I said. “How come I can take a bite, and you can’t?” He said. “I’m not sure can’t is the right word to use in this context, and certainly won’t doesn’t fit the bill because this isn’t a matter of will. But wasn’t able to works in this situation. “Shut up and get out of my restaurant,” he said. “Yes sir,” I said. I started to open the door. “Get your ass back here, sit down, and eat this perfectly acceptable lobster roll before I eat you!” He said. The customers all started laughing. “After you put your mouth on it?” I said. “What, something wrong with my saliva?” he said.