I Want to be Everything So Harshly, I’m More Like a Stone, A Poem by Chris Russell

When I think about what it would be like

to finally find that face under the mask

and never have to wear another one,

I feel happy.

Except that’s not the kind of me I want to be.

The kind of me I want to be

can be like water

so, no matter what I come up against,

I can sort of let go

and become more of what resists me,

and vice versa.

I want to change into everything

and everyone

and be from anywhere and everywhere

so harshly

I’m more like a stone than water.

Which is why I’m studying how to be like both,

how to imagine myself as a rockslide of decisions

and feel how I’m always spilling over banks

and always unable to hold back,

no matter what I think,

no matter how hard I try to keep my hair in,

or pot my face so that it won’t sprout roots.

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