When I think about what it would be like
to finally find that face under the mask
and never have to wear another one,
I feel happy.
Except that’s not the kind of me I want to be.
The kind of me I want to be
can be like water
so, no matter what I come up against,
I can sort of let go
and become more of what resists me,
and vice versa.
I want to change into everything
and be from anywhere and everywhere
I’m more like a stone than water.
Which is why I’m studying how to be like both,
how to imagine myself as a rockslide of decisions
and feel how I’m always spilling over banks
and always unable to hold back,
no matter what I think,
no matter how hard I try to keep my hair in,
or pot my face so that it won’t sprout roots.