I’m not going to compete with you,

because why would I want to when

I’m barely even here right now?

Besides, being left behind

is something I’m familiar with.

I know that’s not a positive attitude to have.

But it’s from that negativity

that I’ve learned

there are more important matters to consider

than not fitting in or keeping up.

That we’re not as important

as we think we are, for example,

can be a seed for true humility

and selflessness even when what fuels it

is low self-esteem and depression.

Feeling trapped is another one.

I may not be able to free myself

from my own self-hatred just yet

but, in the meantime I’m willing

to make a space for it at the table

and let it eat there, so to speak,

and by doing that I can sort of free myself,

and that always feels like a win.