A man named Mark from the credit card company called me and told me I could get a good deal and save a lot of money if I signed up for one. “No disrespect, but I try to stay away from credit cards and I’ve made it a point to never own one,” I said. “That’s not entirely true,” Mark said. “What do you mean, that’s not entirely true?” I said. “You’ve owned five in the last five years,” he said. “I’ve never owned one,” I said. Well, you can’t rent one,” he said. “I understand you can’t rent one,” I said. “I’ve never signed up for any.” “Well, then you have a case of ongoing credit card fraud,” he said. “How do I stop it?” I said. “Let me put you on hold and find someone who can talk to you about this,” he said. Twenty minutes later he came back to tell me he was still looking for someone to talk to me. He did this three times. A little more than an hour had passed and still no solution. I was starting to get the feeling I was being scammed. I hung up and called the police and gave them the number from my call history. “You actually think this is going to do anything?” the dispatcher said. “You actually think you aren’t as useless as an ox without any legs?” I said. “I could have you arrested for being rude,” she said. “I could have you arrested for being a liar,” I said. She laughed and I joined her in her revelry. “You’ve got quite the sense of humor on you,” she said. “I can lift a room on occasion,” I said. “Spike the punch?” she said. “Seriously, what can you do about this?” I said. “If I could do anything I would sir, but alas we are practically useless when it comes to cybercrime,” she said. “I’m sorry you feel so useless all the time. You seem like a really wonderful person who I’m sure is very important in many people’s lives,” I said. “I’m not a wonderful person, and you don’t even know me,” she said. “I know you like giving me a hard time and laughing with me,” I said. “I laugh when I’m powerless and angry,” she said. “I remind you of your powerlessness?” I said. “This job makes me feel futile,” she said. “But you’re so good at it,” I said. “We should just meet up after work and get at it,” she said. “That’s a little fast, don’t you think?” I said. “What, not up for it?” she said. “I’m not saying that,” I said. “Then let’s go grab some Crab Rangoon or something,” she said. “Say, one AM? “That’s really late and I have work at seven the next morning,” I said. Just after one I met her outside the Chinese restaurant. We had some Crab Rangoon among other things and talked about how ridiculous we were. At about three I kissed her and got her number. “This is the dispatch number,” I said. “That’s where I live,” she said.